Match 2T06 - Top Bracket
Smurf Legion defeats Northern Pallywankers 30-0
Reviewed by paris (click name to read)
Download the films from this match.
Review by paris - Overview
This match was really boring. Np only had 4 players because they're out making thier lives worthwhile (and grims connection decided to abort itself when the match took place) while SL has 7 players each game, as well as 3 alternating players. I'm only reviewing this so people [mainly smurf legion] can shut the fuck up about it.
The real question is, however, What the fuck is a smurf, and can one be a homosexual? With people like maze and nemesis, who is to know!?
Game 1 - Captures on Fosgarach Ruillick
DRAK ANG3L (the fourth one) caps for Some Loser while   Nobel Prize has Fire cap. In PT, NP shows why they are one of the most competetive teams to ever touch the grace of myth by taking strategies from reality and putting them into the game.
nptalksaboutsexbaby.JPG
Meanwhile, sl bitches about ratios and wights, and DA gives all of his players one wight each. Nem acts like Elton John throughout the entire game, but in the mean time, sets goals for himself.
nem50ratio.JPG
Let's see how this turns out for him in the coming battles. Game starts and NP plans on going for a 3 prongish strat with drizzt having a rush flank north, having seen this, lil rascal drops the game most likely to save his ratios. rabiez handidly points out tirri's north force instead of the rest of the np team, but as being myth's most influential player, tirri already has a history of being called out and noted by opposing players.
Alt
smurfs have larger flanks and np casually makes its way back mid, while it gets pussed to shit. However, Np manages to kill some of smurf's shit but manages to die because each player had about 1/4th of units. guttermouth cries in his sleep.
fireandxelforeshadow.JPGFire and Xel of Np Forshadow the the Match

SL shows how good they really are by only having 28% remaining after playing 4 players, great job dudes. SL wins with all 7 balls.
nemstatsgame1.JPG
Game 2 - Captures on Fosgarach Ruillick
Fire caps for Natalie Portman while Sharon Lawrence goes for dark angle again. The pregame in this game was really boring to watch, seriously. I regret ever starting this fucking review. However it is noted that, after losing his dwarf last game (SL does the same strat twice! oh my!), is given to SWAMPSTER of BASTARDS ww2 fame. fire gives his team even percents.
np with even squads happens to work for a while, then SL starts blowing shit up. i don't really know what happened because i put the film on x16 and, well, first intelligent comment of the match is made, surprisingly, by nemesis.
mazesucks.JPG
the rest of the game, much like the entirety of it, is boring, and it ends 33% to 9%, sl has 7 balls blah blah blah
nemesisgame2.JPG
Game 3 - Capture the Flag on Caer Cadarn (Trow)
Fire is capping once again for Nintendo Power. nemesis is capping for Agents. Pregame sucks again as usual
NP has a big flank south with one of thier trow while the other two go mid. SL has a big fat zerk flank north and south. Np ends up retreating thier south and SL move in. Then thier north [nem 24%], gets helded up by 2 soulless. hillarious.
hawks 2 trow kill a bunch of zerks and all 6 of arz's fetch and np is down 33%! then tirri gets all 3 trow and beats the shit out of mid like a god, which crossed, which is exactly what nem told them not to do. this, of course, leaves thier D open for SL to make a move in. tirri rushes home and fire and arz try thier best to stay on the flag, but a single fetch zaps all of Np's mauls and zerks to death while tirri is inches away from contesting.
the game ends, sl has 55% left, hawk has 29-1 ratios, and nem. well, lets just say nem is trying as hard as ever to win that ratio prize.
nemesisgame3.JPG
Game 4 - Stampede on Krakatoa (light)
game 4, drizzt *PoOp* caps for NeoPets and dark angel caps for Team Gargamel. pregame chat IS BORING AGAIN. GOD D:<
SL sends thier peasents north while NP keeps thier peasents idle at home. NP uses wights and wights the majority of SL forces. NP's north loses and SL's peas go in. np sends thier peas mid but its no use. sl takes the game 34% to 14%, 12 peas to zero. This game really sucked as well.
NEMGAME4.JPG
Game 5 - Flag Rally on Smells like Blood in Here
no game 5 was played, and to simply put it, i don't blame them. why? because these games were embarassing? No, fuck no. Np rocked the shit out of SL even only with 4 players. but you can't play smells with 4 players, thats just silly :)

i don't think nem accomplished his 50$ goal, just like how he can't accomplish to win 1st in a ffa final with Truth in it, oh well.

anyway, i love the ego that SL has gained from beating Np. its quite hilarious, isn't this the team that lost 2-1 to lrcg? LOL?
blondeshutthefuckup.JPG

I'm going to close this review from a rather interesting conversation generated from one of the greatest masterpieces of art ever constructed, which clarifies my original question. Enjoy.

Sean Smith: Beer and pussy. That's all I need.
Ronald Fisher: We gotta find ourselves a Smurfette.
Sean Smith: Smurfette?
Ronald Fisher: Yeah, not some tight-ass Middlesex chick, right? Like this cute little blonde that will get down and dirty with the guys. Like Smurfette does.
Donnie: Smurfette doesn't fuck.
Ronald Fisher: That's bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the other Smurfs. Why do you think Papa Smurf made her? Because all the other Smurfs were getting too horny.
Sean Smith: No, no, no, not Vanity. I heard he was a homosexual.
Ronald Fisher: Okay, then, you know what? She fucks them and Vanity watches. Okay?
Sean Smith: What about Papa Smurf? I mean, he must get in on all the action.
Ronald Fisher: Yeah, what he does, he films the gang-bang, and he beats off to the tape.
Donnie: First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have... reproductive organs under those little, white pants. It's just so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What's the point of living... if you don't have a dick?
You tell me. Good luck this weekend smurfs, gl.
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