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Match Q091 - Qualifying Round
The Syndicate defeats Old School GWAR 57-12
Review by Ducky Tank
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This match was terribly un-fun to watch. Both teams came in with bad attitudes that played off eachother until every single player present at the match had an attitude the size of Texas. Despite the inherent clumsiness of Syn, they managed to dispatch GWAR and their non-sensical strategies without a hitch. The sportsmanship was just wretched, and each team thoroughly stained any respect I might have had for either team.

As for the match, GWAR strikes me as a team that would rather find excuses/scapegoats rather than actually learn from their mistakes. Each one of their strategies is a flock of units in separate directions, designed to defeat only enemies with as much misdirection as they. GWAR just doesn't have anything close to a grasp on the objectives, and give up easily once their flawed strat is crushed.

Unfortunately, Syn didn't particularly do their best either. They had the freedom to try just about anything, and it would work fine as long as they BC'ed their butts off.

Game One - [Stampede] [Desert]

Shaitan maximizes his puss and gets 17 pigs. Andy gets a confident 4 pigs ( =( ), max arcs, and max melee (well, all except the journeymen. Thrall were there, though). Terry Funk of GWAR names his archers "Die Syn(tm)," which is German for "The Syn(tm)."

Mostly strat talk and a little pumping up from both sides, with GWAR adding some exclusive pornography to the mix. Both teams have a jokester that says something that's obviously hilarious to all involved, but something I don't understand at all :(.

HeRo: ronin Syn :(
Mike: thats! my chair


The game is on, and GWAR sports a massive two prong, with Mike and Terry south, Andy north. Andy has a few ghol scouts mid, but sends them among a throng of Raziel's warriors so they can poke Raziel's dwarfs a couple times. Raziel obligingly hacks them to pieces. Raziel moves on south to help HeRo crush the larger of the two GWAR two-prongs, and Shaitan moves his pigs towards the empty mid. Andy sends another ghol scout, but Shai sends a couple of warriors a little ahead of the pack, and hack down the much faster ghol where he stands.

At this point, Mike catches a glimpse of the pigs and after aimlessly playing "broken record," with his flagrant use of the word "mid," he finally suggests Andy, the closer of the two prongs, go and kill the pigs. Andy tells him to f' off and to do it himself, cuz Andy had more important things to do... like charge his unsupported warriors and thrall headfirst into Afterlife's puss, dwarfs, and co.

Mike complies and sends all his warriors at the Syn pigs, despite Shaitan holding a long (and I mean LONG) headstart. Despite confounding Shai with a single ghol for a few moments, Shai easily scores all 17 porkers.

Andy: omg mike

wtg :(. Syn splits up and kills the four pigs, as both GWAR flanks are handily and messily destroyed.

Game Two - [Territories] [Trow]

Shaitan returns to face Terry Funk . Both teams get fairly standard trades, GWAR obtaining max soulless, and Syn opting for max locks. Before ptime is over, Syn notices that Andy has a whopping 72%, and with a buttload of units usually comes a jugger.

Mike starts the abuse with:

Andy: GL syn
Mike: ur gonna need it

Syn returns the favor with class and dignity (right =( ):

Afterlife: LOL
HeRo: rofl
Hannibal: Of course

Mike complains about the unfairness of 5 Syn vs. 3 GWAR (hmm...guess who's fault that was?), Syn makes fun of GWAR behind their backs, and the game is on.

Sure enough, Andy juggers south. Mike has a mixed arty (lotsa soulls) mid, and Terry Funk has an equal force north. Syn 3-prongs, but quickly conglomerates once they see the rush. At this point Terry yells lag many times, despite being about 300 miles from the nearest fighting.

Andy engages in a gruesome battle against the 5 Syn horde, and is massacred horribly while Mike and Terry look on. The worst part was when Raziel walked a lock straight into the melee, found himself completely surorunded by enemy myrks, and hit the 't' key. His lock, despite being in the midst of many MYRKRIDIA...survived.

During the mid massacre, Terry Funk (handling the stagnant north flank) makes the quotes of the match with:

Terry: i am flankin w/ a soul
Terry: keep em busy

GWAR erupts in countless volleys of curses as they blame eachother for the loss, really showing their complete and utter lack of any semblence of team spirit

Game Three - [Flag Rally] [Cracks]

The third game in a lopsided match is the most common game for the losing team to get it together and put up a fight. Especially when the match is decided by the third game, most losing teams can easily drop whatever pressure they once had, and go into the match with a positive attitude and a less-stressful focus, sometimes even enabling them to come off with a win. Nothing at all like which I just mentioned happened in this film.

Hannibal now caps against Andy in the coming anticlimax. Hannibal gets a little gutsy and goes for a no-archers strat (which makes room for puss), while Andy gets two duffs, a few ghols, and plenty of melee and arcs.

This game begins like the others: Mike complains about the added Syn, unfairly pittting 6 against 3 (see last retort), and Syn make fun of GWAR behind their backs.

Both teams send a large mid, with Syn sending scattered defense to the flags, and GWAR posting Mike up on top of some godforsaken rock, confusing the hell out of this reviewer. Unfortunately, this kind of  "strategy without the 'why' ," holds consistent for GWAR throughout the entire match.

Basically, Syn knows more or less what they are doing, and they overwhelm the much weaker (melee-wise), dorf-less, GWAR mid. GWAR erupts once more in what can be best summed up as a whole lot of monkey droppings.

As Treebeard stumbles up the aforementioned godforsaken rock to slaughter Mike, GWAR complains about lag and Syn slobbers over ratios.

The Game ends pretty quickly after that as Syn mops up, and Syn shows their good sportsmanship and ability to win with dignity by spamming: GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! all
across the screen.

I swear, if either team had any balls I'd give em a good kick.
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