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Match Q098 - Qualifying Round
Cirque du Soulblighter defeats Team Orleans 54-13
Review by ChickenWoot
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Hey looks like I garnered enough whining from the Myth community to force me to do this review eh?  Well, without further adieu, your freaking review =)

...  

(hey that rhymes!)

ChickenWoot: well it looks like we finally got around to watching and reviewing this match...

Klowntoolz: he he you know this film wasted precious time out of my life, i could have been doing something creative ...... like trying crak =(

ChickenWoot: <3 klown =( thx for helping me out on this review ^_^

Klowntoolz: hmm wtf aint cirque that team that has that kloon playing with a condom ?

ChickenWoot: heh we better not make fun of cirque...nico may kick our asses =(

Klowntoolz: wtf he's french, isn't he lik 4'11"?

ChickenWoot: oops forgot about that =) gotta watch those ankle biters though ^_^ <3 nico. hey what about Cirque's competition? TO seems like they aren't half bad.

Klowntoolz: ... a apple a day makes your penis rock hard but that aint the case for TO =(

ChickenWoot: wtf? that didn't make sense =(  either way, let's get on w/the review..

Klowntoolz: damn straight =(

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Game One - Stampede on Desert

ChickenWoot: omg no 30 pig strat from either team here =( Cirque gets 18 pigs while TO gets 13.  am i missing something?

Klowntoolz: dood they aint us they actually know wtf they doing ... and remember we have a fetish for big fat things =(  .. reminds me of midgits =(

ChickenWoot: let's look at what the players did to suck up =(  for example this dood named Se7en is lik:

"hello Mr revewer"  it's "reviewer" =( hello though.

Se7en again draws attention saying "If you are reviewing this game please notice me" k i watched you =( and? your melee came in so late to help your slaughtered pigs that u came only in time to save 3. gj =(

woo gotta love Se7en...here he goes again "Mr revewer we love you" hmm k, i gave u props by pointing you out. way to go mr spelling masta

Klowntoolz: yeah look at this dood Sarnac ":: wonders if reviewers read this crap ::" =( they close us up in this box and say "read this bs plz thx"

ChickenWoot: TO juggs the south but fails to leave anything up north save a few ghols which run away.  Cirque splits their forces and does a 3-pronged attack with a larger force of archies up north to protect the piggies.  They score 15 pigs easily, but send 3 pigs down south towards the TO jugg and they are slaughtered.  Cirque is fooled into thinking that the mid force of Joan and wod is a mid-jugg.  They call for help from south, but Baloney Pants down south neglects this call for the better as he sees the TO pigs down south.

Klowntoolz: mmm piggs =)

ChickenWoot: the mid force of Cirque is pushed back by Joan and wod...

Klowntoolz: b4 we get further, let's point out wod =(  as game starts, this dood is like ":: gives joan a pat on the thigh as we go mid ::"  ... is this some new type of cyber sex im not aware of =)

ChickenWoot: we're missing all the action =(

Klowntoolz: yeah =( u go mr pimp wood sir =(

ChickenWoot: Back to the game, Baloney is sandwhiched by teh south moving Joan and wod and the east moving force of TO.  He gets help from the million and one ghol pack of Cirque, but they manage to kill all but 3 of TO's pigs.  Se7en of TO has a warr melee, but spends the fight staring down the Cirque ghol pack.  When he finally does arrive to help, it's too late and he just cherry picks =(

Klowntoolz: loserz =( he he 3ballz and joan are funni ppl though =) 3ballz = craking jokes like he's me, and joan killz more of her own units w/duff than she kills of other team ^_^

ChickenWoot: conclusion? both teams fail to judge their opponents correctly leading to a near disaster for Cirque down south and an actual blowup of TO.  Cirque misjudged TO's mid bluff, but thanks to Baloney's ignorance of orders, all things go well.  TO did not play as fluidly, many times having units just chilling in the middle of nowhere for long periods of time...

Game Two - Territories on Trow

ChickenWoot: boo =( same setties for each team..

Klowntoolz: nobody uses zero tro strat =) sneaky sneaky people

ChickenWoot: Se7en starts back up with his normal chat "Mr reweir look at us we are HO" I hope I'm not the first to say this, but wtf is this guy dyslexic? =(

Klowntoolz: he wants ur bodi =( joan puts him in his place though =) "7 learn to type"  ...exactly =(  wtf who said 'hypocrite' =)

ChickenWoot: TO starts off with a strong mid force and northern flank while Cirque tries a three pronged attack.  TO's extremely large force draws the southern Cirque force to aid the mid though.

Klowntoolz: attracted to the mid lik a fat kid to a jolli rancherz =(

ChickenWoot: the northern TO flank pushes across with wod's souls, so Ho Jangles sends 2 trow to go help, leaving Jack, Chuckles (here's your review sir), and Bingo at mid.

Klowntoolz: the fight in the north is really lame =(  cirque has a lock up there that they can use to kill wods souls, but it doesnt do a damn thing.  it doesnt matter though cause cirque wins north anyway

ChickenWoot: meanwhile, Bingo's trow runs around behind the mid force of 3 trow controlled by our Blue and a ton of myrks controlled by our buddy Se7en.  Bingo kills a needed lock and continues to poke and run.  Though outpowered by the TO team's myrks and trow, Chuckles' souls and 3-balls' locks push back TO's mid team.

Klowntoolz: chucki kills 2 tro w/his souls =) he he and wod says "i killed 3 trow joan" ^_^ woo way 2 go =) ...oh wait u lost =(

ChickenWoot: A very interesting point is when wod states near the end "needed anakin here..."  i'd like to say that this is the anakin that was on LoA, then switched to our team, then was on TO at the same time =(  anakin: u suck =(

Klowntoolz: he he isnt anakin the dood who got gang raped by those mexican midgits and then went walking down the same alley the next day for more? =)

ChickenWoot: =) either way, anakin = weiner =(

Game Three - Flag Rally on Cracks</b

Klowntoolz: wtf fr w/crak?

ChickenWoot: not exactly, but both teams got nearly the same setties so almost the same =(

Klowntoolz: he he TO has kool strat ^_^ they bring lik all of their people west in hope to just rush around the map tagging =) didnt we do that once?  ...it worked for us =)

ChickenWoot: Cirque rushes the mid and...finds nothing there =\  they do a quick search and find the HUGE TO force and go after it

Klowntoolz: my fave part =) orangeking of TO moves his 8 stygs over towards Cirque's forces and then boom boom =) his stygs just chill there as they are bombed by Ho Janglez and joan yells ^_^

ChickenWoot: wod and mobi control large ghol packs for each of their respective teams and get into a ghol melee =) mobi kills all but 3 of wod's ghols and then moves off to go help his team

Klowntoolz: omg i iz best ghol =( i can ghol lik a mofo w/my eyes closed and no hands =)

ChickenWoot: eh?

Klowntoolz: psychic powerz heloe =(

ChickenWoot: my bad =)  on the west side (gang signs people), Hann of TO is trapped between Bingo and Baloney and is killed =(

Klowntoolz: <3 for OK picking us as spotlight match but he dies again =) he runs his archies into a duff on the wall of cirque's home even though teammates are like "wtf noooo" =)

ChickenWoot: the rest of the match is a yelling match as joan cusses out her team, specifically Blue.  ...wait a sec Blue got the most dmg on his team, there's gotta be some logic here =(

Klowntoolz: he he that's all folks =)

ChickenWoot: yeah is there anything else to say? =\

Klowntoolz: isnt this song l337? =) i picked it, thx

ChickenWoot: heh yeah im sure the myth community will be bumpin to this now

Klowntoolz: w3rd =)

ChickenWoot: ah hell we should say something about the match to close out.

Klowntoolz: cirque winz, gg ^_^

ChickenWoot: i thought that TO played unorganized but they lost the fun factor in the games.  at first they seemed to be having fun, but they were less amused as the match went on...

Klowntoolz: dumbass they were getting killed thats why =)

ChickenWoot: still! they outta have fun =(  i mean, look at us, we have fun while we die

Klowntoolz: wtf we are in mwc? =(

ChickenWoot: ....i thought that cirque was not the powerhouse that everyone thought them to be.  they had very good individual performances which saved them a few times, but they played a bit sloppy.

Klowntoolz: they were missing nico =) <3 nico =) we wuv u

ChickenWoot:  let's close with this; bink of Oh is the worst player in the history of myth =( to top off his terrible myth skills, he has sex w/rubber ducks.  he attributes his poor play to his constant lack of clothing while he is playing "BANANA"  ...banana u too bink =)

Klowntoolz: wtf gei way to end =) let's say: free booze and chips at CoV forum =) just watch out for the geiz running around... :: kicks blink ::  =)

Disclaimer: ChickenWoot and Klowntoolz collaborated on this review with the full knowledge that SOME people might get pissed.  If we wrote a nice flowery review, some homos would accuse us of making fun of gays.  Writing it this way angers some people too because "omg he's making fun of me"  shut up =) we are joking (i think) and if u get your panties in a knot over this then u need help =(  bink will be here to help everyone who needs assistance, especially to team Iron Chef to whom he has endeared himself.  Donations can be made out to the payorder of <a href="http://www.malazan.com/cgi-bin/ubb/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum&f=8">Covenant of Valiance</a>.  Thanks, have a good day, watch out for the lesbian midgitz, and never drink yellow water =(
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